Is There Something Going On That I Don't Know About?

My body has no reason to be feeling anxious. Sure, I had two cups of strong coffee after 5pm...but that's never been a problem before.
I don't like it. My torso has that feeling as if I'm about to step towards the edge of a 70 story building roof.
Sometimes it would be great if my nerves would act normally.

Exercise

I don't quite grasp the concept. It feels terrible, and it continues to do so the following day. Yet, they say if you keep going, it gets better. Addicting even!
I say all those people are crazy. But the ever growing pudge on my belly is demanding I join the crazy crowd and become another addict.

I don't even have anything suitable to wear that requires sweating in.

Broke-Angeles, Indeed

It's been nearly 3 months of living here in the City of Angels. I go through phases of loving it with my whole heart, to secretly freaking out and wondering why I was so crazy to move here.

I'm running on empty. I had a job, but it was slowly sucking my soul out, so I quit. Perhaps I really am crazy. To think that jobs come by so easily is probably the spoiled Texas in me. For some reason, there was always a job lurking around the corner in that state. Here, I'm finding it quite the opposite... Then again, I am very picky. And wanting to break into the film industry is more than a pipe dream.

Which is why I called in a favor from a friend to help me become employed again. He is taking my resume, jazzing it up, and handing it off to some people he knows. Lawd I hope that something comes up from this help. Because if not, I may have to resort to jobs that suck my soul out. And I'm not so sure how well that will work out.

Something tells me I need to let go of my pride. Or conjure up more motivation and determination.

Laziness is creeping into my life more.

So if the habit of blaming the most peculiar things for my problems.

Excuse me, I need to go scream.

And then figure this out.

wait... How long? Oh dear g-------

It's officially 10 days until I leave for La La Land.

Where did this month go already? For that matter, where did October-February go???

My lovely cushy "it's months away" moving date has pushed up to mere days... and soon, mere moments.

Let's hope I'm ready for this because I'm literally barreling down into responsibility and being almost cut off from all parental security.

Hello Broke-Angeles.

Plane Hitchhiker

As it turns out, flying standby has become less fashionable than I had imagined. Being tricked from the overly smooth and simple flight from Houston->LA is bothering my mind so much, I have gone to such lengths as spending excessive amounts on airport alcohol.

As of now, me and my friend have been declined from a full flight, quickly shoved onto another, only to be stranded in El Paso for a couple of hours. Fingers are crossed for the next flight to have two small seats available. Yet a part of me wonders if it would have been smart to pack one more pair of comfy pants for an airport sleepover.

If only I had the ability to stick my thumb out and let a plane slow down and pick us up.

What the hell am I doing......

It's proving to be a bit harder to keep pretending that I am a vindictive miserable person. But I honestly feel that if he hates who I am now, it'll be so much easier for him to move on. And for me to finally let go.

That is... I think I want to let go.

This is what happens when I watch hours and hours of soap opera television late into the night. Thank you Desperate Housewives for making me reconsider everything.

Even if I did come clean about what I was doing....I don't think he would believe me. So, it's for the best.

Right?

Laziness

I feel like I have been a complete lazy bum the past few months. It's somehow like my body doesn't want to do jack shit unless I have work, or some other real responsibility like school... I hope that it learns that moving in two months doesn't mean it can feel this way anymore. I've got shit to do! And waking up feeling like I've worked out (when I never do), or like I haven't even slept (though I just clocked in 9 hours) is going to end.. soon.

I hope.

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