Point of No Return

Finals week. Which means everyone is finally learning all the things they needed to be studying for the past 10 weeks. Which also means the library is now prime reality for studying. And it also assures that stress, anger, frustration, and sometimes apathy are at an all time high.

Needless to say, this place is making me racist. Libraries are made for studying, nap times, pointless hook ups in the upstairs restroom, and hushed conversations. Not for some chola spouting out dirty spanish words to her only white male friend using an outside voice.

And of course, no one wants to tell her to stfu. We all use the passive aggressive annoyed huffing sighs, dark stares, and the occasional throat clearing. But obviously this B is too dumb to get the hint. Or maybe a little too self centered to care that her nasal tones are ruining the last precious moments we have to study before our final.

No, chica, we do not care that you didn't get the easy math class that filled up too soon, and now you're stuck in Precal. Nor do we care that you grew up bilingual. We also don't care for the cliche penciled in eyebrows. Please excuse your sad self and hideous laugh from the premises.

Don't even get me started on the blaring rap music coming from the head phones of Mr. P Diddy across the room.

Give me another coffee.

roma-roma mah

I've decided that being in a community college gives me the false security that I can put off all work and studying until the last 5 minutes before something is due. Because I didn't feel this intense sense of procrastination at a university.

Maybe it's because most professor's will give you an extension for next May. Or maybe it's because the work is based on a high school level (because we all know that community college is senior year, part deux).

No matter what trifle ideas I reason with, the fact remains that I will go out and drink all night, work all day tomorrow, and then try and squeeze in 3 subjects before midnight on Sunday.

Who knows... I could just be preaching to the choir. If so, I raise my red plastic cup full of Bud Light to you as you re-arrange your cups into a T-shape, please.

Please.. Eat and forget where you are.

As it turns out, it's very easy to bullshit your way through an English class when talking about the material. It's even easier when your professor drones on and goes off on hilarious tangents so you can glance at the introduction and whatever piece was assigned. This makes for optimum bullshit material, especially when you use vague words to generalize the sentence you just eyed. Hellloooo B almost A!

I got a free meal today. I'm not sure what they were promoting, because no one ever said, and there were no signs. But it was a decent BBQ sandwich with four different side choices. Not to mention the cotton candy dessert and the single white guy DJ at the opposite end of the square playing oh so hip rap songs. (with a few Michael Jackson songs mixed in to make him seem cultured... oh and that one Spice Girls song). But at the end of the meal, I chalked it up to the college's way of saying "Sorry about all of... you know. Thanks for wasting your time and spending money to go here." And you know what, it almost worked. If it hadn't been for the stereotypes and stupid people surrounding the event, I would have been sold on their calorie filled apology.

Side note, and not at all related to the atmosphere of my community college: I realized that if a man smells like BBQ sauce, I would totally jump on that. mmmmtasty.

whatthe-

I have been slacking on this blog. Probably because I've been wasting my time with celebrating the fact that I can legally drink. You know, the yoozh. (That's slang for usual, but spelt out phonetically because I'm assuming you aren't as hip as I am and probably wouldn't know the phrase if I just used "us").

So far, it seems nearly all of my stories about the lovely scene of community college might come from my early Brit Lit class. And of course it's all credited to the fact that my professor makes the best jokes (whether they may be funny or lame).

What has happened in the past month? Let me think.....

Oh! Well there's the fact that the first paper I've had to write in over a year was due a few weeks ago, for which I ended up writing it the night before in 30 minutes (3 pages, MLA format, on Frankenstein, not too hard...right?). HOWEVER! I end up missing the class after the paper is due, the very same class that the professor decides to hand them back and give us more time to review and fix anything. Now... I know my paper isn't the best (I thought I would have been lucky to get a B), but because of my prime education in high school (which I am now realizing was actually better than most since I am surrounded by dumb asses) I also know it can't be so bad that I would need another few days to review and turn it in again. But nevertheless, the rest of the class seemed relieved. Makes my heart hurt to know that 3 pages was just too much for a handful of college students.

I also cranked out a poorly written (or so I thought) film critique for my internet Intro to Motion Picture class. She sends it back with "Well thought out and detailed writing, it shows you really put some effort into this. A." .... If my shitty review made her think this, then I can't even fathom what others were writing. ... maybe "The lighting was awesome. Edward Norton's ass was hot. This movie was totes mcgoats brill." I'm almost considering teaching at a community college later out of plain curiosity, but then again I don't want thoughts of suicide or homicide creeping in, so maybe not the best idea.

Internet classes are the easiest ways to get an A, I think. (Doesn't really apply when you take science classes though, like math or physics). But for my movie class, it seems I can turn in a review or write in the discussion boards a week or so after the assignment is due, and still make an A. Doesn't seem fair, but hey, my GPA needs the bump. And I guess community college is truly the second high school where deadlines are more of a suggestion.

I wish I had more interesting things to write to you dear reader(s?). But alas, a month hiatus and I already forgot the miniscule boring gossip from this quaint campus.

I shall leave you with a daily quote from my Brit Lit professor and a few responses of the people in my online movie class (just so you can see the...effort they put into it).

"Try and find the lines you think I would think would be racist." -Prof.

"I really liked the movie i love nicolas cage i think he is a very versitile actor and did a great job. I liked how the movie wasn't to fast paced so i could keep up but it wasnt to slow were i lost interest." -a response for a critical analysis of Adaptation.

"I'm going to have to say I was not too impressed with the movie. I really didn't like that there were so many things going on at once. I was really confused for the first hour of the movie. The acting was good though." -another response for Adaptation.

Back to the daily grind.

btdubs, Got an A on the Frankenstein paper.... whatthe-

Oh Prometheus

Well well well... Another wonderful day in the world of community college.

I honestly don't think I would get up for my 8AM class if my professor wasn't so awkwardly hilarious. My favorite quote of his today:

"You're a grave robber, so go ahead and rob me something hot!"

I promise he's actually very intellectual... but his sweet attempts at making a joke (and then carrying it on for way too long) are just a little below the par. Such as his attempt to make a joke about how people don't want to know the meaning of a poem via hippy lingo.

There was this guy in the library today who sat down in a row of chairs next to me and my friend Jon for quite some time... Now, normally this would not merit a mention. However, his continuous walking past the table the hour after that is. There isn't much on the second story of the library other than books, some tables, bathrooms, and about 3 private study rooms. We were right by the stairs to the first floor. If I am mistaken, it shouldn't take an hour to find a book.... but it should to keep looking at people who are sitting down at a table.

Beginner French. By the title, you would assume that it would be easy, and if you study even just a little bit, and listen to the teacher, you should be able to catch on a little bit, yes?

No, you are wrong. (Unless you are a genius like me, then yes you catch on quite well).

This spanish girl that sits behind me probably fails at everything in her life. Not only is she on Myspace or Facebook for half the class, but when called upon to answer a simple question in French (for instance, a response to the question "Do you like to eat at a restaurant"... which the response is literally only 5 words long) she is silent for a good minute, spouts out some french words that are either nonsensical or just repeating what he said without really answering.

Now, I am no expert in French. I am just a beginner. But I can at least deduct enough from the lesson the professor is explaining to form a very simple sentence.

If you aren't willing to put in a little effort into a class, whether it be a language, or a science, please... just leave! Obviously it's a waste of time for you and the professor... but mostly, it's just really annoying.

An example that my friend Jon gave me from his history class is a prime example of the idiots that somehow thing college was the next logical step in their life (when really they should have been repeating high school or applying to a fast food restaurant):

(this is a very generalized statement of what happened)

Prof: While working over in China, I ate so much of their food, I got sick of it. Now I can't eat it at all. Now when my wife makes it or orders it, I always say something, and then joke about how they put cats in it. As soon as she takes a bite I say "meow!" But seriously, it grosses me out now.... Just like if, let's say... you (points to a girl in the class) were to work at an ice cream shop for so long. You'd be sick of it right?

Girl: Oh my gosh! They puts cats in ice cream!

Jon: ..... wow. That's embarrassing.

This, ladies and gents, is what you run into at a community college.

Yes, there are smart people roaming about on campus... but they are rare and few and far in between. So before you rush to fill out an application, maybe you should spend another day or so looking for scholarships for that more upscale university down the street.

Everyone's Doing It

Every one has started a blog today. And when I say today, I mean from a few years ago to literally 5 minutes ago (mine).

Now, I'm going to be brutally honest, I have nothing of great importance to say, I'm not that funny, and I really am only doing this because on my days off I find that I watch way to much TV and play on Facebook more than the average person. And it seemed that the only next logical step was to get a blog.

Now, let's touch on the most interesting and somewhat exciting part of my life: Community college. Oh yes, the most prestigious of all the colleges around. Not to mention the brightest minds on the planet!

So far, being back at school for the past month has stacked up quite a few noteworthy stories.

1: The random rock wall on the first day of classes complete with popular rap songs to climb to.

2: A radio DJ (hair straight from the 80s, complete with mullet and bleach blonde highlights) spinning to all the ethnic (black, obviously) crowd dancing, having hula hoop contests with a prize of a fuzzy pink hat, and trying to sound cool by saying "Right on!".

3: The local college choir (composed of 15ish people) singing America related songs on Constitution Day and giving out sno cones for their fundraiser. I am still trying to figure out how these two things make sense together.

4: A girl in the library saying with all honesty and worry that "The powerpoint in this project will be the hardest thing." (I can't make this sh*t up.)

I can't wait to share more of the adventures of my amazing time at this community college.

Please, try to contain your jealousy.